This post is tied to my previous post where I stated a desire to help others with disabilities but not knowing what I could do. This morning I received this email:
Are you planning to stay in Provo over spring and summer? At the University Accessibility Center (UAC) we provide opportunities for students to serve fellow students with disabilities. If you are interested in being a note-taker, campus traveler, test reader/scribe, or other various things, we would love to work with you!
Even if you won’t be on campus over the spring and summer semesters but are interested, don’t be discouraged. We need more volunteers throughout the entire year. To become a volunteer, simply email us at uacvol@byu.edu with your full name, email address, and phone number. Or, you could stop by at our office in 2170 WSC. Once you do this, we will be able to contact you and provide more information on how to get started. We hope to hear from you soon.
University Accessibility Center
2170 WSC
How timely.
I'm going by there today. :)
8.4.09
a walk.
Walking back from school today, I found myself quite pleased with life. The day was a pleasant one, overcast and a little windy but not too cold. I find that those days make me feel the happiest. They bring back feelings from my childhood around fall. Fall was always my favorite season. People say that Galveston doesn't really have seasons and I mostly agree. And I've always categorized portions of my life not by the seasons as defined by weather but by seasons defined by the school year. And fall was always my favorite. And I've only ever associated overcast, windy days with learning to ride/continuing to ride my bike during the fall. Windy, overcast days were the only days the weather was decent enough for me to play outside. I love windy overcast days; they bring me back to some of the best memories and feelings of my childhood.
But that's not where I was going with this.
Walking back from school today, I found myself quite pleased with life. The day was a pleasant one, overcast and a little windy but not too cold. I just finished my last midterm for the semester (imagine that! a midterm the week before finals!) and had made an appointment with a counselor to discuss my new major and scheduling. Plus we talked about musical theater in my music class today! I plugged in my headphones and was listening to my ipod as I walked home. I occasionally smiled at strangers like I do when I'm in good moods. When I got to the intersection at Bulldog and University I saw a man across the street from me with a long, thin pole. He was blind and I began to wonder how he would know when to cross the street. This intersection did not have the chirping sounds that some did on campus for those that are seeing-impaired. Somehow he knew because shortly after the "walk" light came on, he began walking. I walked by him and felt like I should do something. He looked like a student, about 20ish carrying a backpack, should I walk with him the rest of the way to campus? Should I shout hello over the sounds of traffic? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to reach out to him with anything, he couldn't see a smile or a wave as a subtle greeting. If wanted to do something it would need to be bigger and a little more generous. But I just walked by. And as I walked by, I was flooded with emotions. At first I felt sad for him, I could not imagine losing my sight or never having it to begin with. My life would feel so empty without the visual memory of the beach at sunrise, or how Japan looked from the airplane as we were landing, or the sight of the kicking, tiny, chubby feet of infants. I tried to shift my sadness to gratitude for my sight and then for medical advancements that make sight better for some people. Then I began to feel happy for this man because despite his handicap he was taking the challenge of attending a university to get an education. And I began to feel more gratitude for this country we live in that makes it possible for those with handicaps to live more normal lives than perhaps those with those same handicaps in other countries. And before I knew it, I had tears threatening to spill over. I was just overwhelmed by so many feelings in such a short time. I didn't even know what feeling it was that prompted the tears to begin with. I just knew I wanted to do more to help this man and people in a similar situation and I didn't know where to begin.
These feelings are good for me. They help me remember that I have so many things to be grateful for and they prompt me to act in good ways towards others. These feelings tell me that I can experience feelings of unselfish love but I need to turn those feelings into actions somehow. I really do want to do so many things for people. I have a feeling that most people want to do more for others than what they are currently doing. But I let my busy schedule get in the way. I think that as soon as this class is over, or as soon as I'm done with this semester, I'll have time and energy to focus on others. I have time and energy now that can be better spent doing things like volunteering with some volunteer group on campus or working with children through BYU's TOPS tutoring program than using my "down" or "free" time to sit around lazily and watch a movie on TV or browse the internet or find myself completely consumed in facebook-ing. This life is not mine. It belongs to my Savior and I should be doing the things that He would have me do.
But that's not where I was going with this.
Walking back from school today, I found myself quite pleased with life. The day was a pleasant one, overcast and a little windy but not too cold. I just finished my last midterm for the semester (imagine that! a midterm the week before finals!) and had made an appointment with a counselor to discuss my new major and scheduling. Plus we talked about musical theater in my music class today! I plugged in my headphones and was listening to my ipod as I walked home. I occasionally smiled at strangers like I do when I'm in good moods. When I got to the intersection at Bulldog and University I saw a man across the street from me with a long, thin pole. He was blind and I began to wonder how he would know when to cross the street. This intersection did not have the chirping sounds that some did on campus for those that are seeing-impaired. Somehow he knew because shortly after the "walk" light came on, he began walking. I walked by him and felt like I should do something. He looked like a student, about 20ish carrying a backpack, should I walk with him the rest of the way to campus? Should I shout hello over the sounds of traffic? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to reach out to him with anything, he couldn't see a smile or a wave as a subtle greeting. If wanted to do something it would need to be bigger and a little more generous. But I just walked by. And as I walked by, I was flooded with emotions. At first I felt sad for him, I could not imagine losing my sight or never having it to begin with. My life would feel so empty without the visual memory of the beach at sunrise, or how Japan looked from the airplane as we were landing, or the sight of the kicking, tiny, chubby feet of infants. I tried to shift my sadness to gratitude for my sight and then for medical advancements that make sight better for some people. Then I began to feel happy for this man because despite his handicap he was taking the challenge of attending a university to get an education. And I began to feel more gratitude for this country we live in that makes it possible for those with handicaps to live more normal lives than perhaps those with those same handicaps in other countries. And before I knew it, I had tears threatening to spill over. I was just overwhelmed by so many feelings in such a short time. I didn't even know what feeling it was that prompted the tears to begin with. I just knew I wanted to do more to help this man and people in a similar situation and I didn't know where to begin.
These feelings are good for me. They help me remember that I have so many things to be grateful for and they prompt me to act in good ways towards others. These feelings tell me that I can experience feelings of unselfish love but I need to turn those feelings into actions somehow. I really do want to do so many things for people. I have a feeling that most people want to do more for others than what they are currently doing. But I let my busy schedule get in the way. I think that as soon as this class is over, or as soon as I'm done with this semester, I'll have time and energy to focus on others. I have time and energy now that can be better spent doing things like volunteering with some volunteer group on campus or working with children through BYU's TOPS tutoring program than using my "down" or "free" time to sit around lazily and watch a movie on TV or browse the internet or find myself completely consumed in facebook-ing. This life is not mine. It belongs to my Savior and I should be doing the things that He would have me do.
4.4.09
a memory.
When I was sixteen years old, I saw my grandfather die. The day before he died the hospice nurse told us that with the levels of pain killers he was on he would no longer be able to understand what was going on around him. Even so, I continued to sing and play his favorite song on the piano for him as much as I could. As I was playing through it once, I noticed tears were forming at the corners of his closed eyes. I rushed to his side and held his hand and whispered into his ear how much I loved him. I wasn't sure if the tears were simply something his body was doing to take care of itself or if they were an emotional reaction. But after telling him how much he was loved and just holding his hand for a few minutes, his tears began to steadily stream down his cheeks. I stopped talking and just hugged his arm and cried with him. My uncle realized that my grandfather was crying and he grew angry with me and yelled at me for making my dying grandfather experience even more pain. I immediately got up and ran to my bedroom where I began to cry even more heavily into my pillow, this time alone.
That night I had a dream in which my grandfather was neither dead nor alive; he was present in some kind of state between life and death. He said he had to tell me something. He said, "I love you, Nining." In my dream I thought, nining, what does nining mean? Then my dad woke me up and told me that my grandfather's breathing had changed, his breaths were more shallow and further apart. My dad said that he would probably pass away within a few hours and everyone was gathering around his bed to say goodbye. My mother's side of the family had spent the night to be with my grandfather so we were all there, gathered around the portable hospital bed in our living room on which he lay. I remember holding my youngest cousin as he cried quietly. We all took turns letting my grandfather know each of us were there with him. Then my mother promised him that we would take care of each other and that he did not have to hold on for us anymore. Almost immediately after she said that, my grandfather took his last breath and was gone.
Later that day, my mother was in the kitchen preparing something to eat for my great aunt and uncle who were flying in from California originally to be with my grandfather before he passed away but now to help my family with funeral plans. I told my mother my dream and when I got to the part about what my grandfather said I told her I wasn't sure if I remembered the word right, that I thought he said "nining" but I wasn't sure because I'd never heard the word before. She looked at me with a strangely amazed look on her face as she told me that "nining" was a term of endearment in my grandfather's native language. He called me "nining" when I was a baby, much too young to remember.
I truly believe it was my grandfather who visited me in my dreams that night to tell me what he had wanted so desperately to tell me the day before. I have the firm belief that he is with my grandmother today. I know that death is not the end and that families can be together forever. I am so grateful for this knowledge and for a loving Heavenly Father who created a plan so that all of this is possible.
That night I had a dream in which my grandfather was neither dead nor alive; he was present in some kind of state between life and death. He said he had to tell me something. He said, "I love you, Nining." In my dream I thought, nining, what does nining mean? Then my dad woke me up and told me that my grandfather's breathing had changed, his breaths were more shallow and further apart. My dad said that he would probably pass away within a few hours and everyone was gathering around his bed to say goodbye. My mother's side of the family had spent the night to be with my grandfather so we were all there, gathered around the portable hospital bed in our living room on which he lay. I remember holding my youngest cousin as he cried quietly. We all took turns letting my grandfather know each of us were there with him. Then my mother promised him that we would take care of each other and that he did not have to hold on for us anymore. Almost immediately after she said that, my grandfather took his last breath and was gone.
Later that day, my mother was in the kitchen preparing something to eat for my great aunt and uncle who were flying in from California originally to be with my grandfather before he passed away but now to help my family with funeral plans. I told my mother my dream and when I got to the part about what my grandfather said I told her I wasn't sure if I remembered the word right, that I thought he said "nining" but I wasn't sure because I'd never heard the word before. She looked at me with a strangely amazed look on her face as she told me that "nining" was a term of endearment in my grandfather's native language. He called me "nining" when I was a baby, much too young to remember.
I truly believe it was my grandfather who visited me in my dreams that night to tell me what he had wanted so desperately to tell me the day before. I have the firm belief that he is with my grandmother today. I know that death is not the end and that families can be together forever. I am so grateful for this knowledge and for a loving Heavenly Father who created a plan so that all of this is possible.
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