Reality

I had an experience one time when I was meeting with a counselor where I said something that I had never put into words before, something I had never told anyone. What I had said was something along the lines of, "I honestly believe I am capable of doing anything as long as I work hard enough." At the time, my counselor was probably a little surprised both at my confidence and the fact that I wasn't saying I couldn't do anything. He told me that that was good. He didn't bother to also tell me I was deluded. I still believe I could do calculus, make a decent piece of art, fly a plane, cook chicken saltimbocca from the food network's ridiculously complicated recipe book, etc. You know, I could even do a study abroad if I worked full-time with a decent/nice wage job for three whole summers.

Reality is I won't be able to do a study abroad before I graduate. I probably won't be able to do the Seattle Flourishing Families internship (today's interview wasn't exactly an interview and I feel like it went pretty poorly). And this really makes me quite sad. I try not to want things much. The internship I can get over fairly easily. The no study abroad thing will be a little harder. BYU's study abroad program was pretty much the only thing I was excited about when I first decided to come here. Of course, I've since found other things to be excited about here but it's still a little hard for me to accept that I won't be able to do the one thing I really wanted to do here.

Now don't I sound like a whiny brat? "Oh boo hoo I can't study abroad. My life is ruined."