Crash.

Okay. So Brenden made the Philharmonic Orchestra? I'm really happy for him! At the same time I'm incredibly bummed that I cannot celebrate with him. Like so bummed in fact that I'm about ready to cry. Holy crap. Congratulations, Brenden! I'm planning on going to his performances. I probably shouldn't feel this bad when I should be so happy for him. I am so happy for him. So why am I crying now?

I want to be there for him. I want to be there with him.

I thought I was fine. Why does this hurt so much?

I'm feeling so horrible right now. I knew a crash was coming. I always know a crash is coming whenever I feel good. It happens every time. I can't feel good or happy or excited about anything without worrying about how soon it will be until I feel crappy. I mean I guess that's life. Except that this happiness and crappiness is somewhere between normal and bipolar. Definitely not bipolar but definitely not normal either.

It started tonight in my Abnormal Psychology class. I began to feel unsure of everything I was doing. Nothing felt right anymore. I want to go home but I don't have one. I don't have a place I call home anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do at all. This is so bad.

This is so bad.