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After several weeks/months of preparation I am CRAMMING to complete my Family Adaptation and Resiliency term paper. It's a measly eight to ten pages. Nothing really. No big deal.

APRIL FOOLS! I barely did ANY preparation. The cramming part was true.

At the end of this month I'm going to be in Seattle. Weird. But good. It's something to look forward to; something I KNOW is going to happen.

Mission papers have kind of stalled. Earlier in the year my stake president said it should be okay for me to turn in my papers early so I went through the whole process. All I have left now is my stake president's interview but now he's not really sure he wants to send in my papers yet. There's like a 90-day rule or something and at first he thought it wasn't a big deal but now he's not so sure. Which means if I don't get them sent in from here, I'll have to take care of everything in Seattle. Which isn't really too big of a deal I guess but still more of a hassle than I was previously anticipating.

Everything concerning the mission is incredibly, frustratingly ambiguous. I don't know when I'll get everything turned in. I don't know if I'll be able to go because of depression issues. I don't know if I'll be able to go because of other issues. Heavenly Father really knew He needed me to commit to this last semester. If I hadn't already committed myself I would've given up. Sad but true.

Due to this ambiguity concerning the fairly near future, I have decided to prepare for school next semester as well. I've already signed up for classes and talked to someone about doing another internship (in Provo). My mom advised me to go ahead and find housing somewhere and we can put down a deposit. I hate hunting for housing. I wouldn't mind staying in Roman Gardens if they would replace the 30 year old radiation emitting microwave and gas oven/stove that gives me headaches and sucks at baking cookies and I wouldn't mind them fixing the holes in the ceilings with asbestos or getting rid of the mold growing in my bathroom. If I wasn't scared of actually dying or becoming infertile (radiating microwave), I might stay at Roman Gardens.

International Cinema/Dean's Lists

BYU is showing Heima in two weeks for International Cinema. I love Sigur Ros and I love that BYU is showing this.

Also, I made TWO Dean's Lists for my academic performance last semester.
- Dean of Students Dean's List (for multicultural, international, and open major students). Meaning I got a 3.95 GPA or higher while taking a minimum of 14 credit hours and maintaining a 3.5 overall GPA.
- College of Family, Home, and Social Sciences Dean's List. Meaning last semester I was in the top 5% of my college.

I highly doubt I'll pull off another 4.0 GPA for a full semester but I'm glad I did it at least once. It makes me feel kinda smart.

/Classes/

These are the classes I still need to take before I graduate:

Remaining GE's:
-Civilization 1
-Civilization 2
-Third Year Writing
-American Heritage (Retake)

Major: Family Life- Marriage and Family Emphasis:
-Aging in the Family
-Cross-Cultural Family
-Advanced Family Processes
-Moral Foundations in the Family OR Family and Public Policy OR Marriage and Family Therapy

Minor: Gerontology:
-Sociology of Aging
-Internship (I plan on fulfilling this credit through working with local hospice care.)

Minor: Psychology:
-LDS Perspectives in Psychology
-Personality
-Intro to Social Psychology
-Psychological Statistics

I'm kind of crazy and want to take 18 credit hours for one semester so I can finish both my major and my gerontology minor in just one semester. Those 18 hours would include the internship and if I did that then I probably wouldn't work during that semester. I don't think it would be that different from this semester since I'm currently taking 15 hours and working a part-time job. I would finish my psychology minor in another semester and take one of my civilization classes. Then during a spring term I would take 9 hours of my GE's.

I really just want to finish as soon as I possibly can. But a major thing I need to keep in mind is how well I will perform if I'm rushing through these courses. I need good grades to get into grad school. Booooooooooo.

How do I still have so many classes?

I'm considering dropping the psychology minor. That would leave me with just two more semesters of school and no suicidal tendencies. The psychology minor would probably be helpful in getting into grad school though.

I DON'T KNOW. School drives me crazy. I want to finish it as soon as is humanly possible but I am so glad I'm planning on serving a mission. (Not that I consider a mission some kind of vacation.)

Also. I am so dang mad that I am probably not going to get an A in my stupid Family Adaptation and Resiliency class. How can my professor approve my term paper's research question, let me turn in research assignments pertaining to that specific research question and then tell me after I turn in my detailed outline (a month before the term paper is due) that my question is probably not what he is looking for in the paper? Thankfully I won't have to completely change my question but I will have change it around a bit and find more research that deals directly with the changed question. SOOOO lame.

But in other news, my siblings come next week! (As do two exams.)

\\

I had been set on marriage and family therapy. That's what I was going to do. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was an attempt to hold onto an old dream I had.

Time to re-evaluate: What am I passionate about? Where can I best use my talents?

People. I really do love people. I'm really shy but I do care about people. Actually, I care about them quite a bit.

So I'm considering social work (not that there aren't a number of other professions where people can show their love for people). There are so many things I could do with a MSW that involve helping others. In the process of researching social work programs I found something that sounded really awesome. A dual degree program for a masters of social work and public health! There are actually a few schools I've looked at that offer that option. It would take the same amount of time as a MFT program would take (3 years) and it sounds twentymillion times more like something I can be excited about. I think it's definitely something that deserves my attention.

//

This is one of those weeks where I wish I was at home or that my mom was here. Where I wish I didn't have to worry about cooking or cleaning or getting to and from school.

This is one of those weeks where there are seriously not enough hours in the day. (I've planned out the use of each hour for the rest of this week and I'm still barely squeezing enough time in to do an article summary for one of my classes.)

Why am I blogging?

Because if I don't take a five minute break from studying I'm going to explode.

||

I'm not going to lie and tell you that the future is full of promises.
He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by feelings that nothing was right, or nothing was fulfilled, alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in the aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over. I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others - the only thing worse than being sad is others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. - Everything is Illuminated

\\

Wait. They don't love you like I love you.

This is a line from a Yeah Yeah Yeahs song that is widely known mostly because it is featured on Rock Band.

After taking my first Theories in Family Perspective exam tonight, I hear this line and think this is a sad person trying to appeal to an exchangeist planning on leaving her, claiming his evaluation strategy of alternatives level was not thought out as well as it should have been, that her love for him is better than the love any of the alternatives could provide, that her love for him in this current relationship is a greater reward than what he could get from any of the alternatives, that he should take into account moving costs and if the rewards from his alternatives really do outweigh those costs.

Maps.

Oh say say say. Oh say say say.

What the crap is going on?

Also, I've officially added the Gerontology minor.

//

This is called Procrastinating/Freezing/Freaking out/UGH.

I have no idea how I will ever be able to write a legitimate paper when I can barely do these stupid article summaries.

I think part of my problem is that I'm still not quite sure what I'm looking for and that I'm intimidated by everything that I need to get done. I have 2 article summaries due on Tuesday, 5 due on Friday, 2 exams this week, 2 quizzes, 40 assignments to grade (fairly lengthy assignments, mind you), and on top of all that my regular nearly-overwhelming-on-its-own class readings. Urgh.

Oh yeah. And my MacBook's battery is completely shot. I need to find $130 somewhere to buy another one.

I can't believe next week is the last full week of January. WEIRD. Time sure flies when you're consumed with readings and assignments. Oh let me tell you.

December 31st, 2009

My, what a year it's been.

I love school. I really do. As much as I complain about it, I really do love it. Kinda like my family...

This semester I volunteered twice a week, held a job, and still managed to pull off all A's. A freakin' 4.0 GPA.

Since I came back to BYU in January I've taken 17 classes and gotten 14 A's and 3 A-'s. I'm anticipating next semester to be more difficult but I am so excited and I am so ready.

Let's just think of a few things that happened this year.
I moved back to Utah and started back at BYU.
I met President Monson.
I made an awesome new friend who is now my roommate.
I was accepted to be part of a research team in Seattle.
I got a job as a TA and then got another job as another TA.
I did well in school.
I went on my first cruise.
And finally,
I got a big answer to a small prayer:
I'm going on a mission!

I spoke with my bishop the Sunday before exams and he said we'll start on papers sometime around February or March so I'll get my call before I go to Seattle but my availability date will be sometime in September.

School- Internship- Mission!
Here's to 2010!

On Grading

HELLO! YOU'RE IN COLLEGE. PLEASE LEARN HOW TO USE AN APOSTROPHE.