School

I so desperately want to be back at Brigham Young University.

All the times I had told myself I was never going to end up at BYU, that it was my last choice, that I would rather go almost anywhere else but BYU, I wish I could've seen how very much I was going to love it there. I wish I could've seen that it was actually a place where I was going to fit in and find the friends I had longed for. But how was I to know? When making my college decision I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had settled on a major (that I eventually changed) but besides that, I didn't know who I wanted to become.

Now that I know who I want to be, I am locked out from the place I can be best trained.

I know I can still become that person through other experiences, other universities. But I feel my progress may be slowed. My progress has already been slowed by my sheer idiocy. There are consequences for my actions and I have no one to blame but myself if I cannot go back to BYU.

xkcd

hmm

i have a feeling that life is mocking me...facebook style.

my current facebook status:
Natalie hates things, people and life. and desperately needs to take a long, long drive. with loud, loud music.

the three other facebook statuses that come up under mine on the home page:
AriAnn is happy.
Sean is happy.
Rebecca is reaching her goals. :)

hello.

sickness.

oh goodness

i am craving so very much to do some arts and crafts. holy crapppp.
i desperately need to get myself to a hobby lobby and buy some paper, lots and lots of paper and a new cutting board and knife and gluuuuuue. and two frames. i'm going to do a little beautifying project for the bathroom. hopefully. booooo. i wish i had gotten this stuff before today because then i could work on stuff today.
i still have a canvas board and a lot of paints but i don't have any paintbrushes. booooooooooo.
mebbe i'll go to walmart tonight and buy some cheap brushes i can use until i can get some legit ones. if i decide to continue painting. i think i'm going to stick to collages. i love paper. the end.

library

you know you work in a library when a coworker compliments your book cart.
and she's serious.

a softer world

i've been there so many times.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you




here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart




i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Song

Aimee Mann: Wise Up

Quote

I'm not going to lie and tell you that the future is full of promises. He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by feelings that nothing was right, or nothing was fulfilled, alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in the aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over. I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others - the only thing worse than being sad is others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. - Everything is Illuminated